What To Do If You Don't Want A Funeral When You Die

If you were a private person in life, it makes total sense to prefer privacy in death too. Being the center of attention is not for everyone, even if it is at your funeral.

So if the thought of people seeing you in an open casket or staring at a huge photo of you next to an urn makes you uncomfortable, be sure to express these feelings to your family members before you pass away. It’s okay to want your privacy in life and when your life ends.

And even if you have a large life insurance policy or are leaving significant assets behind, you can always request that they spend the money on a family vacation, paying off debt, or saving for retirement instead of paying for a traditional funeral with those funds.

You worked hard to make a living and it’s okay to ask that your family use that money to have fun or get ahead financially during their time of grief.

The death of a loved one is always a stressful time for those left behind, especially when the death was sudden and unexpected. And funeral planning can add a lot of stress to family members who are still grappling with their loss.

Choosing not to have a traditional funeral because you don’t want to create undue stress on your family is a perfectly reasonable decision. Funeral planning takes a lot of time and energy so feel free to take that stress away from your family if that is what you wish.

Another practical reason for not wanting to have a funeral after you’re gone is if you only have a few close family members and friends. Whether most of them died before you or you were just more of a private person in life, you may choose not to have a traditional funeral because there won’t be that many people in attendance to mourn you.

Not having a huge turnout is a perfectly good reason to skip having a funeral if that’s what you want.

Every family has its share of conflict and having feuding family members at your funeral can certainly affect the entire day. So you may choose not to have a funeral simply to avoid starting additional family conflict. There is nothing worse than having what should be a day about you turning into a day all about them.

And avoiding bad situations and keeping the comfort of your other funeral guests in mind can be a smart thing to do in certain circumstances. It’s a shame but it’s definitely an experience many people have had to deal with.

Forgoing a traditional funeral doesn’t mean you don’t have non-traditional funeral ideas in mind. If a memorial 5k or an alternative funeral at your favorite golf course is a better fit for you, let your family know what activities you would prefer they host instead of a traditional funeral.

If your family knows your wishes ahead of time, it will be easier for them to accept them, plan them, and invite the appropriate guests to participate in the festivities.

Many traditional funerals take place in a church so you may not want to have a funeral simply because you’re not a religious person. It’s also possible that you’re not the same religion as the loved ones you’re leaving behind, and so you’re concerned about their comfort level.

There’s always the option of having a non-religious funeral at a funeral home, but that may not be a great fit for you either. So skipping any type of funeral may be the right decision for you or you may want to look into alternative funeral ideas or a celebration of life.

Please keep in mind that making your last wishes known is not a selfish act. It’s a gift that reduces the stress placed on your family after your passing. Your last wishes provide them with proper guidance, take away any guesswork, and help them narrow down the options available to them.

You can also include a list of your favorite places in your legacy binder so your family knows exactly where you would like to see them host an alternative to a funeral. Places that are close to nature such as the park, the beach, the mountains or a botanical garden are all great outdoor alternative funeral location ideas.

Some other more creative ideas include aboard a boat, a vacation destination or in the stands of your favorite sports team. You can also host a gathering in a local hall or town tavern or have a backyard bbq in celebration.

Just remember, in their time of grief, your family may also struggle with the guest list for any alternative funeral options. So be clear about who you would like to participate in any memorial services that they plan for you.

From family members to friends and co-workers, there are many people in your life who may want to be included in any event that memorializes your life. You would be surprised by how many people you have touched throughout the years who would like to pay their respects, so take some time creating a list that includes as many of those people as possible.

And there is no right or wrong time for your family to schedule the alternative funeral event. You can leave instructions behind asking them to plan the event quickly after your death, or you may request that they plan it on any date that has a special meaning for you.

Whether it’s your birthday, an anniversary, or your favorite time of year, it is perfectly fine to want your family and friends to remember you at any time after your passing so there is no reason to feel rushed.

Alkaline hydrolysis is a burial alternative in which the body is cremated using lye and heat inside of a pressurized vessel. Alkaline hydrolysis is an environmentally friendly alternative because it uses only a quarter of the energy and produces less carbon dioxide and pollutants than traditional cremation.

Plus, a white ash forms from the breakdown of the bones which can then be given to the family members for use in urns and cremation jewelry or to be scattered outdoors.

Body composting is the same process that you would use to create compost for your garden. The body is placed inside a vessel with other organic materials and rotated occasionally over a period of several weeks.

Just like coffee grounds, shredded newspaper, and vegetable peels, the body decomposes naturally to create soil which can then be used in gardens and yards.

Green burials are a traditional burial alternative you may also want to consider. Unlike during a traditional burial, the body is not embalmed with toxic chemicals and put in a coffin during a green burial.

Instead, the body is left in its natural state or embalmed with a nontoxic agent, wrapped in a biodegradable shroud made of linen, cotton, wool, or silk, and then buried underground.

Another interesting burial alternative idea is a sea burial. During a sea burial, the body can be buried at sea in a biodegradable shroud with steel chains or an approved casket such as a metal casket with holes drilled into the sides.

For cremains, a biodegradable urn can be dropped into the ocean or the ashes can be scattered at sea.

Sky burials are perhaps the most unique of the burial alternative ideas. During a sky burial, the body is laid outside in the wild to decompose naturally with the aid of vultures and other scavenger animals.

Sky burials are a Tibetan and Native American custom and certainly are an interesting choice. However, they are not currently legal in the United States, so your family may have some difficulty arranging a sky burial for you in another country.

One such option for ash alternatives is incorporating your ashes into a piece of art or pottery. There are many artists who use cremains to create beautiful pieces of art such as paintings, paperweights, marbles, globes, and beads.

And your ashes can also be used in the creation of pottery such as vases, pots, and even dinnerware. Just think, you could always be present at all of the family gatherings in the future.

If you like to be the center of attention while living, you may want to consider having your cremains turned into fireworks after you pass. The most meaningful thing about cremation fireworks is that you can put on a beautiful fireworks display for your entire family to enjoy while thinking about how much you touched all of their lives.

Surprisingly, cremation fireworks start out at incredibly affordable prices so it is likely you’ll be able to find one in your price range.

One of the most popular ashes alternative ideas is turning your ashes into a beautiful piece of jewelry or storing the ashes in a cremation urn. You can even request that each of your family members select their own favorite style of jewelry to hold your cremains before you die.

If you are buying a cremation urn for the first time, please refer to this guide for helpful advice: https://www.evrmemories.com/what-are-the-different-types-of-urns/.

If you love everything about the ocean and sea life, one of the most interesting ash alternative ideas is to turn your cremains into an eternal reef. Eternal reefs are artificial coral reefs that are made from human cremains and environmentally friendly concrete.

The best part is that they are then placed into the ocean to support wildlife and provide a refuge for smaller fish.

Another interesting idea is turning your ashes into a custom piece of furniture. Craftsmen who manufacture Polywood furniture out of recycled milk jugs or granite can include your cremains in a custom furniture piece.

So you can actually arrange to have your ashes become a gift for family members after you pass. Furniture pieces can include a memorial bench, Adirondack chairs, or a table. 

Have you always been fascinated with outer space? A memorial spaceflight may be just the opportunity that you’ve been waiting for.   

With a memorial spaceflight, you can actually send your ashes to be scattered in space and there are several destinations to choose from.

Many people get meaningful tattoos after a loved one passes, but now you can actually have your cremains included in a memorial tattoo. Tattoo artists can mix your cremains with tattoo ink and give your loved ones a permanent reminder of how special you are to them.

Memorial tattoos can include your face, name, special dates, favorite quotes, or other artistic renderings of what mattered most to you in life.

A favorite ashes alternative idea for nature lovers these days is to become a beautiful tree. After your passing, your family can add your ashes to a tree urn kit and plant a memorial tree in your honor.

There are many types of trees to choose from, and you can also have a custom engraved memorial stone made and placed under your tree.

Are you a huge music lover? Consider turning your ashes into a vinyl record. 

Your cremains will be stamped into vinyl to create a custom record that can include a recording of a personal message, a soundtrack of your favorite songs, or even audio tracks from the videos on your phone.